every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun
i was just violently air drumming with the blinds open and i looked outside and my amazon delivery driver was playing air guitar
i don’t “get” knights. i’m not calling some guy sir just because an old lady that eats beans for breakfast tapped him with a sword
we’ve tasted blood now. celebrities must fight to the death for the oscars from now on
writers love saying things like “he had a toothy grin” what is a toothy grin. just making shit up. “he walked feetily into the kitchen” that’s how you sound
too many boring kid names like “chris” and “logan” if i had a kid i’d name him something badass like “the shovel”
wild how someone lied about how they got pregnant 2000 years ago and now i have an air fryer
me reading the group chat when nobody thinks i’m around
