Me: Hello, my name is Vikki and I’m an alcoholic.
Operator: Ma’am, this is AAA.
Me: I know. I’m an alcoholic and now my car is in a ditch.
My husband and I are having a serious fight.
Do you think I should let him know about it?
There are four main food groups:
You’re never too old to throw random shit in people’s shopping carts when they aren’t looking.
Him: what does a polar bear weigh?
Me: I don’t know
Him: enough to break the ice, my name’s John.
Me: so’s mine.