@weirdralph

My son keeps running around naked, so I sprayed him with Windex. It’s supposed to prevent streaking.

@weirdralph

The next time someone says “expect the unexpected,” I’m going to punch them in the nose and ask if they expected that.

@weirdralph

BREAKING: Popeye Expresses Outrage as Pope Goes to Mount Olive

@weirdralph

They can identify a dead body by its dental records. How cool is that? “We don’t know who he is, but we know his dentist!”