me: so did it hurt?
her: yes, a lot
me: when i splashed that salsa in your eye?
her: I SAID YES
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Bad boys bad boys
Whatchagonnadoo
When someone you don’t like is eating them, chips sound like 1000 asteroids smashing into the polar ice caps.
You’re the apple of my eye.
The grape of my elbow.
The lemon of my foot.
The banana of my hair.
My sweet hair banana.
Gf: What’s the dog eating?
Me: Piece of hotdog.
Dog: [chewing slows] WHAT.