If I get to Heaven the first thing I’m going to ask God is if I should have tipped on carryout orders or not
My biggest fear used to be accidentally saying “love you” to a customer when hanging up the phone
Now my biggest fear is that it will happen a second time
“I don’t know a lot about any of this but I probably should still weigh in with my opinion”
– the voice that I fight in my head
My gym shut down but a pizza place opened in its spot so my visits have remained pretty consistent
If Chlamydia didn’t have all those negative associations with STIs, it would make a beautiful baby name