Welcome to the dark side.
Well, we can’t see what we have. It’s dark.
You: “Calm down!”
Me: *kills you, calmly
My cashier at the grocery store bagged the tomatoes with the ketchup and I swear I could hear them screaming.
Found $5 in my pocket.
I vow not to let my wealth change me.
Don’t just assume I’m crazy. Let this wedding album I photoshopped you into speak for itself.
Look, if all you have is candy corn in this van, I’m going to have to get out.
This kid in target fell on the ground screaming bc his mom wouldn’t buy him candy
& now she’s yelling for us both to get up and be quiet.
*buys extra movie ticket seat so I’ll have a place to put my microwave bc I’ll be damned if I’m paying that much for popcorn
Boy giraffe: You wanna?
Girl giraffe: Ok, but kiss my neck first.
Boy giraffe: But Babe, we only have 3 hours!
I won’t block you, but I will put a curse on you that you’ll never be able to finish a sneeze ever again for the rest of your life.