I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.
I suspect in a previous life I was either Napoleon or maybe some socks.
Her: I wish you would surprise me sometimes.
Me: *shedding my human skin to reveal I am actually Nergal, Mesopotamian God of death*
Her: No, not like that.
You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.
I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.
They say swans mate for life but I bet if I gave a swan enough tequila I could totally get it to cheat.
So I’m enjoying the cinematography and outfits but the script could do with a few more jokes.
#Coronation
Say what you want about online meetings but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.
[The shark attack sketch]
Him: I’m terrified of being attacked by a shark.
Her: You’re so dumb. The chances of that happening are less than one in three million. Lol.[fin]
I keep overhearing people complaining about eavesdroppers.
I either need to win the lottery or get bitten by a vampire and gain the power of the night. But preferably the lottery.
I’m proud of the fact I’ve never yet lost a fight with a panda.
The only person who might be able to conclusively prove I’m not Batman is Batman. And until he does, the jury is out.
A remake of The Ring, except it’s Jeff Goldblum joyfully crawling out of your TV.
Scientist “human beings are psychologically prone to fundamentally misjudging probabilities.”
Me “That sounds really unlikely.”