Can Jesus turn off his walking on water power, or when he dives into a swimming pool would he just bounce across the surface like a skipping stone?
Today’s religious debate is brought to you by…
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And God said, let there be light: and there was light. And God said let there be sunshine and moonlight and good times.
And then God blamed it on the boogie.
I have never been eaten by a tiger. If you want advice on how not to be eaten by a tiger, just ask.
Please note: advice may not work if you are near a tiger.
Me [being crucified]: my God, why have you forsaken me? *life flashes before my eyes* oh yeh, that’s why.
Me “Waiter, why is there a live penguin in my soup?”
Waiter “we were worried the other birds would drown.”
Keep your friends close but your potential organ donors closer.
For a very modest fee, I will dress as a clown and stand in your garden. If you pay me more, I won’t do that.
I used to laugh at my neighbour for getting the gender of his dog wrong for years until my cat laid an egg and now I suspect it’s a penguin.
Sometimes I wish I had Jesus in my life.
Mostly when I’ve run out of wine.
Anyone got any tips on how to conduct an exorcism, but like subtly?
We’re all getting idioter.
I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep EVERYONE away, whatever their profession.
My superhero origin story began when I was bitten by a radioactive sofa.
Age is just a number in the same way that a killer whale is just a fish.
I only Googled how to make a bomb so I can be sure I don’t accidentally have bomb making equipment in my house that would get me arrested in a surprise police raid.
Cop: And yet, here we are…