Couples that stay fit together don’t trust each other enough to go to the gym alone
I love you Mario but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of
I blame 2 of my 3 DUIs on Jesus because I specifically told him to take the wheel
*fingers myself with giant foam Sharknado 2 finger
Therapist: Alright, let’s start at the beginning
Me: *Sighs* I guess it all really started when I wasn’t born a centaur