Rocky is my favourite movie about beating meat
I don’t know if hand sanitizer actually works but it sure as hell lets you know where the broken skin is hiding
Calling bullshit on news that the Amazon is burning. I just got a package delivered from them today
*after 12 tequila shots*
Left eye – It’s PARTY TIME!!
Right eye – I’m beat, I’m going to lie down in the corner
Parents yelling “I’m not going to ask you again” at their kids, will definitely be asking them again
No, YOU didn’t tighten the cap on my urine sample