popcorn, or as cerebral smart minds such as myself refer to it ‘popped corn’, is the number #1 food of watching things
what most people dont know is that you can use the trick or treat system to get large amounts of candy for free
if your newborn baby has a full head of hair that means it is a business baby and is ready to enter the world of finance
ever since i put all my eggs in one basket i have received unsolicited egg advice, you dont know my life, you dont know what im all about
i argued with the parrot at the pet store until it got sold away and the guy who bought it wouldnt let me in his car. that means i won
(sees someone doing a texas chainsaw massacre) um can you not
if you are getting the names Jon and John confused call them by their full names, Jonaldo and Johnaldo
dont put all your eggs in one basket, put them in the little egg tray in the fridge thats what its for you idiot
people get sad when a bird flys into a window but when i do it its a big hassle
my street gang has been walking down the street snapping our fingers in unison for like 3 days, we all forgot why we were doing it
at the grampys, about to anounce who won the grampy award. open envelope. its grandpa!!! you did it congratulations
aliens took me up to on their ship but i have no time for that drama so i just jumped out
“i wouldnt be caught dead” someone throws a net over my dead corpse “gotcha!!” “noooo”