Big brouhaha at the farmer’s market today when the fishstand guy set up next to the candle lady and no one could smell her candles and her boyfriend the homemade soap guy tried to intervene but ended up buying a fresh cut salmon.
Did a trash talking tree write this?
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Neighbor’s newborn won’t stop crying. Typical Taurus.
Joined WhateverCupid™️ and matched with a woman who said we should meet for coffee if I wanted to and if not that was also cool. No photo. She said to look for a woman slouched in the corner wearing sweats. It went ok. I asked if we should meet again and she said whatever.
Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.
I’ve been learning to cook.
Fire at the cannabis dispensary. Witnesses described it as super chill.
I called the fire dept to get my cat out of a tree and they said they don’t do that so I told them them he had a lighter.
I called the fire dept to get my cat out of a tree and they said they don’t do that so I told them them he had a lighter.
Years ago I promised a now 44 yr old friend I’d marry her if she was still single at 45 I need someone to step up she’s a mess
The best thing people can do in a bear attack is break down emotional barriers.
Convince the bear she’s loved and has value.
Compliment her commitment to her cubs.
“Raising kids AND hunting? How do u find the time?” is a fantastic ice breaker.
Everyone out here workin’ on their cores and I’m just tryna get as close as possible to the drive thru window so I don’t have to stretch.
Netflix to unveil new ad sponsored content in a move that industry executives call “Television.”
Subway sandwich employee said he wears the gloves “cuz the meat stings.”