Getting older is cool because you can take a deep breath and it’ll crack your back
The most elusive of all creatures is the camo camo camo camo camo chameleon
Not now mom I’m downloading a new virus from Limewire
Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine
I would never bite my own toenails. That’s so disgusting. I only bite other people’s toenails.
Blew out my flip flop…
A water balloon fight but the balloons are filled with meaty chili
“Once COVID is over” is starting to sound a lot like some “Lemme borrow five bucks I’ll pay you back I swear” bullshit.
Ever pick a booger so big that you get it out and suddenly it’s like you’re on top of a mountain, inhaling the world’s largest and most refreshing breath of air that ever was breathed?
I just inhaled a bug. Please excuse me while I light my entire head on fire.
I went to get fingerprinted for my new job, and in hindsight I probably shouldn’t have been so enthusiastic when the tech asked “Have you ever been fingerprinted before?” And my reply was “Oh yeah, for SURE.”
Why do people talking about legal matters use the term “in a court of law?” In the context of your very legal story, Karen, what the hell kind of court did you think I was imagining?
I didn’t buy any junk food when I last left my house, March 19th…I am intensely regretting that decision.