Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of xLiserx's best tweets

@xLiserx : Rambo: First Blood (1982)- After the onset of his first period, Rambo struggles with the emotional roller coaster of becoming a woman.

@xLiserx: Sometimes I wear my panties over my skinny jeans so I feel like a sexy superhero. And so strangers won't talk to me at the grocery store.

@xLiserx: Superman hides his identity w/ glasses & a side part. I wear a quilt w/ eye holes & it's still "Lisa, you've been banned from this Wendy's".

@xLiserx: The Wizard of Oz: A teenage runaway gets caught in a storm, commits manslaughter, & crosses state lines to see a man more than 3x her age.

@xLiserx: {4 turtles are stuck on their backs.}
Cop: What's going on here?
Me: Snow angel contest for free pizza.
Cop: ...Who's winning?
Me: Shredder.

@xLiserx: *First Date*
Him: You've been really quiet. Everything ok?
Me: *Sadly* Your SnapChat photos made me think you were a super intelligent dog.

@xLiserx: Lonely nights, we've all been here. Pretending to choke so someone hugs you. Pretending a jellyfish stung you so someone pees on you. Usual.

@xLiserx: 1 of the 7 newly discovered planets has already been declassified after discovering it was merely Pluto wearing high heels & sunglasses.

@xLiserx: Me:*Chewing* These pot brownies are disgusting.
Him: That's a dish sponge.
Me: Oh no! That means -
*Sees all the tea cups eating my Doritos*

@xLiserx: Dog Park
Kid: What's his name?
Me: Dorito. He's a therapy taco. Don't pet him.
Kid:*Throws Ball*
Taco:*Chases it. Lettuce flies everywhere*