Fall semester: kid leaves for college for the first time, how will I live without you?
Spring Break: HOW DID I EVER LIVE WITH YOU?
Does your wife know you met your soulmate here three times last month?
I get it Roomba, I can’t find my way out of the kitchen either.
Get off of twitter and pay attention to me
Netflix, probably
Body: so tired
Brain: can’t sleep
Body: okay then, let’s pee every 15 minutes
Technology: the world is at your fingertips, you can accomplish anything!
Twitter: nope
Kid: would you rather be the Evil Queen or the Wicked Witch?
M: I’d rather be the Mom
K: ooh, right. Much scarier.
I changed my phone ringtone to the doorbell sound bc I don’t answer that either.