ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking please keep your seatbelt on as we–OH MY GOD [plane flies into a giant baby mouth]
[at a bar]
me: hey girl are u a wanted criminal
me: oh ok [to a group of cops] shes not here, search the other building
interviewer: what is ur weakness?
me: follow up questions
interview: care to elaborate?
me: [quivers with fear]
TRAINER: im hungry
ME: ok lets ea-
ME: i mean-hey hungry im dad