USPS: does this package contain any perishables
me, in a cake, in the box: I’LL BE FINE

You Might Also Like


If he calls you clingy, move in immediately without warning and decorate his bed with 57 throw pillows


Crazy how your teeth are just part of your skull hanging right out in the open before you’re even dead.


*cries over spilt milk*
*cries under spilt milk*
*cries adjacent to spilt milk*
*cries immediately to the left of spilt milk*
*cries diagona


If ur a guy riding on a motorcycle with another guy, it’s best to sit facing each other. 1 man mounted behind another that just looks bad


Dentistry is the perfect profession for people who like to talk but don’t want a response


Her: I’m just a vintage soul
Me: and a vintage face..

That’s how the fight started


[first date]
HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing?
ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.


4 *looking through album*: mama you’re so big!

Me: I’m pregnant with you in my belly

4: poor mama, you look like Augustus Gloop

Me: I regret reading to you