Vaccines don’t kill children.
Anakin Skywalker kills children.

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Give me one good reason not to have a drink.

Hepatologist: Hold my beer.


Little known fact, Alvin wore the big A on his shirt because he slept around.


Yes, I have read ‘Game Of Thrones’.
No, It is not any different from the show.

-Me, after watching Game of Thrones with subtitles.


i’m addicted to Youtubers who think their catchphrase is truly like “hey guys” and then they release merch that says “hey guys” and it sells out and they make $1 million and then they get to go to the doctor and I don’t


Hear me out..
A swear jar, but you take a piece of paper out and have to yell what’s written on it


Password insecurity questions:
1. What was your highschool nickname? 2. How would you describe your breath? 3. What’s wrong with your toes?


Always a bridesmaid, never a new world-order leader in a post-apocalyptic all-powerful matriarchy. Sigh.


Remember to leave milk and cookies out for Captain America tonight.


Maybe if we all tell the virus we need to talk, it’ll break up with us first.