@fro_vo

Waiter: how were your steak and eggs
Me: just okay
Waiter: oh no
Me: you could say they were
Waiter: please no
Me: *sips mimosa* meaty yoker

Waiter: how were your steak and eggs
Me: just okay
Waiter: oh no
Me: you could say they were
Waiter: please no
Me: *sips mimosa* meaty yoker

- @fro_vo

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ME: What tattoo should I get?

TATTOO ARTIST: Something meaningful that represents love and connection.

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Me – Sure…distance or accuracy?

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Husband:What do you want for Mother’s Day?
Me:I don’t want to have to tell you what I want
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@magicraisin

She said: “I want to have your children.”
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@WhatsAGreenhorn

Nurse: Hi I’m Sandi I’ll be drawing your blood today.
Me: [not seeing a single red crayon] How?

@LizHackett

A kid in the grocery store screamed “I’M COMING FOR YOU, CORNDOGS!” as his dad opened the freezer, and I felt jealous that he has a catchphrase at age 10.

@trojansauce

HAIRDRESSER: *holding mirror* and the back?

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