Four Worst Feelings Ever:
4. Losing your job
3. Romantic break up
2. Death of a loved one
1. Needing to pee when you’re stuck in traffic
*wakes up early on weekend
*makes 12 pancakes
*wakes kids up
“Daddy, can we have waffles today???”
*eats 12 pancakes
You Might Also Like
Shenanigans are the females of the nanigan species.
Found my 16yr old daughters Twitter today, made her deactivate it…after I copied all of her best material to my draft folder of course
A popsicle stick makes a great bookmark. But eat the popsicle first. Don’t make the same mistake I did.
ME: gimme a double
BARMAN: [places an exact replica of me on the bar]
ME: no I meant a double Scotch
BARMAN: [puts a kilt on my replica]
Husband: *completely and utterly silent*
-quiet dialogue scene-
Husband: so let me tell you about the history of rockets
Currently looking for a Thanksgiving outfit that camouflages me as my mother’s wallpaper…something where I don’t have to pass the peas or her passive aggression.
HIM: And a trillion dollars.
GENIE: Alright, cool, that’s your last wish.
HIM: Haha, thanks! Too bad wishing for infinite wishes isn’t allowed.
GENIE: Why wouldn’t that be allowed?
HIM: It’s… it’s one of the rules.
GENIE: I’ve literally never heard that.
toddler *starts taking his clothes off in the middle of the cereal aisle*
wife: Do something
me *starts throwing dollar bills*
wife: Do something else