@TheRolo: [Wakes up to a mysterious noise]
Lover, is that you?
*Refrigerator hums loudly*
@whosnutstoo: Your heart beats faster, your knees go weak, you start to sweat. Is this love? No you're probably hypoglycemic
@DanDoofus: Everyone complains about the weather but no one ever wants to sacrifice a virgin about it.
@spinereader: why does half of Twitter think they're going to lead a communist uprising when they're too scared to order pizza on the phone
@LoveNLunchmeat: *sets down half eaten bag of potato chips on the elliptical*
@girlontapas: I started to go to yoga today and then I remembered that I could lie on the floor in my own house without driving anywhere.