[math teacher] your homework looks like chicken scratch, but you got them all correct
[later at home] I think she’s on to us, mathmachicken
Walk into karate dojo. Bow. Assume made up karate stance. Taser the first guy who runs at you. Bow. Exit karate dojo
You Might Also Like
*puts words between two asterisks*
Me: Do you want McD or KFC for dinner?
Hubs: Can’t you make something? Any ideas?
‘Your place or mine?’
Is the sexiest response to the question:
‘Where shall we bury the body?’
[first day as a server]
me: how would u like your steak
person: well done
me: thank you that’s so kind it’s my first day & i’m very nervous
i noticed you didn’t put interpretive dance on your gift registry but i went ahead and got it for you anyways
The last time my heart beat this fast I was at my boyfriend’s parent’s house and the toilet water was rising…
-My best pickup line
Drink responsibly? Responsibility is why I drink.
BOSS: I hate “yes men.”
ME: Yeah. Me too.
BOSS: I like employees who speak their mind.
ME: Yeah. They’re the best.
BOSS: You get me.
Cinderella: [changing clothes after the wedding, removes one shoe]
Prince Charming: omg babe where did you go