my son swallowed our amazon dash button and now im afraid to hug him for fear of ordering another bulk order of goldfish snacks. am i cursed
Wanna have a little fun?
Go to Facebook and post “Anyone know a good lawyer?”
Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
You Might Also Like
When picking art supplies for your children, never pick glitter. You will always regret picking glitter.
Your pronunciation of the word surreal is why I have trust issues.
*puts away bowl and spoon
All rooms are panic rooms if there is no iPhone charger
I need a new maid, because the current one sucks. Also, she’s me.
[throwing a party]
I invited Judas. That okay?
“Judas from IT, or the guy who betrayed Jesu-”
“It’s the Roman legion. Open up!”
Bob Eubanks: Describe your wife as an animal
Me: *flips card* Owl
*Bob and I high five*
My 8yo just asked if he could peel off my skin to see my bones when I die and then said “just kidding” in a very unconvincing tone.
Show me where it says it’s illegal for me to screaming “I’m an Aardvark” while running in the middle of the road. That’s what I thought
If an interviewer asks you: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” say “I don’t know, did you see me pull up in a DaLorean?”