@treydayway

Was driving to a doctor’s appointment and ended up at my favorite donut shop so life does find a way

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@SarcasticAlly12

You know in a video game when you kept pushing b to get through the talking part but later realized you should’ve read it? That’s adulthood.

@Puncroaker

Me; Right, some revision?
Son: K
Me: Start with chemistry?
Him: K
Me: Periodic table?
Him: K
Me:What’s the symbol for potassium?
Him: Dunno

@GamerPres2020

It is estimated that, on average, American children spend nearly 40% of their waking hours Not Gaming. That number is even worse among marginalized communities. I refuse to accept this in the richest country in the world.

@TheAndrewNadeau

BILBO: *Blows smoke ring*

GANDALF: *Blows smoke ship that goes through smoke ring*

BILBO: It’s okay to just let some things be about other people.

@Shen_the_Bird

best buy employee: can i help you find anything

me: uh i’m good

best buy employee: ok well if you have any questions i’m colin

me: how’d you get in my house colin

@causticbob

My grandfather was a boxer in the British Army.

Which was completely unfair because the enemy had rifles.

@mom_tho

My favorite form of cardio is racing around trying to hide the evidence of my snacking as my husband walks into the room after his workout

@MollySneed

[puts a tub of Blue Bell in the cart]

Ma’am, did you hear there was a recall? That could be deadly.

[slowly puts second tub in cart]

@ariscott

I’m at a hockey game and the players weren’t really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled “come on” and then they tried harder.