@NicestHippo: TRUMP: I just killed & ate a homeless man MEDIA: You're a monster TRUMP: This sort of political correctness is what's ruining our country

@jwoodham: All of my passwords are the names of various "Friends" characters. Except for Ross. I've never used Ross. Not after what he did to Rachel.

@UnFitz: Her: Did you turn the iron off before you left? Over. Me: *in a ship streaking through the endless vacuum of space* ...Dammit. Over.

@1Happytwit: 6yo's can't go to jail so I have no idea why this one's refusing to drive me home from the pub.

@robfee: No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican food in a Spanish accent.