@junejuly12: Watching people try to find a lost car in a parking lot is oddly soothing
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@NicestHippo: TRUMP: I just killed & ate a homeless man MEDIA: You're a monster TRUMP: This sort of political correctness is what's ruining our country
@jwoodham: All of my passwords are the names of various "Friends" characters. Except for Ross. I've never used Ross. Not after what he did to Rachel.
@UnFitz: Her: Did you turn the iron off before you left? Over. Me: *in a ship streaking through the endless vacuum of space* ...Dammit. Over.
@1Happytwit: 6yo's can't go to jail so I have no idea why this one's refusing to drive me home from the pub.