@pplwtching

Watermelon: because I like to chew flavored water.

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@squirrel74wkgn

One time I put the burnt side of a grilled cheese face down on my child’s plate and almost got away with it.

@ilovepie84

If we just refer to ISIS as “Nickelback” maybe nobody will want to join them

@TequilaTears

I’m following around cop cars all day to let them know how it feels.

@Steph_A_Nanny

My left ovary feels sore… like it was working out? I guess I’d say it’s
ovary active

@RefractReality

In terms of spelling difficulty, I think the word “average” is between easy and hard.

@ElleOhHell

Roses are red
violets are blue
celery is green
bees are black and yellow
please help me I can’t stop
pumpkins are orange
satan is vermillion

@Jake_Vig

Picture someone you think is kinda/sorta attractive.

Now picture them holding a pizza box.

@sarah_edo

While editing, I was trying to write: “maybe this should be in bold, for emphasis”, and instead wrote “in blood”. Still works!

@Kyle_Lippert

I nominate Chris Brown to dump a bucket of boiling hot water on himself & to raise awareness for domestic violence.