Watermelon: because I like to chew flavored water.

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One time I put the burnt side of a grilled cheese face down on my child’s plate and almost got away with it.


If we just refer to ISIS as “Nickelback” maybe nobody will want to join them


I’m following around cop cars all day to let them know how it feels.


My left ovary feels sore… like it was working out? I guess I’d say it’s
ovary active


In terms of spelling difficulty, I think the word “average” is between easy and hard.


Roses are red
violets are blue
celery is green
bees are black and yellow
please help me I can’t stop
pumpkins are orange
satan is vermillion


Picture someone you think is kinda/sorta attractive.

Now picture them holding a pizza box.


While editing, I was trying to write: “maybe this should be in bold, for emphasis”, and instead wrote “in blood”. Still works!


I nominate Chris Brown to dump a bucket of boiling hot water on himself & to raise awareness for domestic violence.