@JurassicPark2go

we baptize all our dinosaurs just in case all that catholic shit turns out to be true

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@anthonyonmovies

Rian Johnson: good and bad are 2 sides of the same coin. the resistance and first order both obtain their weapons from the same people, and the only thing that separates the jedi from the sith is an outdated flawed code.

JJ Abrams: bad people have shark teeth lol

@Gupton68

me: *entering the ocean*

ocean: how about at least buying me dinner first?

@Jake_Vig

Couples are the worst, followed closely by single people.

@roxiqt

Words are fun. A “bat” can be a piece of sports equipment or an animal. A “spirit” can be a ghost or a beverage. A “content” creator can be someone who creates videos or who walks around screaming all of the time.

@TweetPotato314

her: well don’t just stand there, say something

me: they should make paintbrushes that look like bob ross

her: i said i’m pregnant matt

me: his hair could be the brush part

@TomSchally

It’s adorable how I write “beer” on my shopping list like I’d somehow forget.

@garrydavenport

*weigh myself*
Hmmmm…
*weigh myself on different scales and am two pounds lighter*
Ah these are more accurate…

@theroneman

Clyde: I’m looking 4 a partner. What’s ur name?
“Bonnie”
C: That ur real name?
“Nope. Jekyll Elizabeth Parker”
C: …Bonnie it is