@MrSkinnyGenes

We don’t have Taco Bell in South Africa because this country’s been through too much already.

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@SortaBad

ME: What do you recommend? It’s our anniversary

WAITRESS AT WAFFLE HOUSE: You should try a waffle

@fro_vo

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: sir we’re going to have to ask you to leave
ME: but they are my emotional support bees

@IamEnidColeslaw

Remember when that really cute guy held the door for you at the book store? He doesn’t.

@msmollybee25

I hate when Netflix asks if I’m still watching. You really think I got my life together in the last 2 hours?

@AbbyHasIssues

It turns out the answer to my problems wasn’t at the bottom of this pint of ice cream, but the important thing is that I tried.

@swaggiestag

Me realizing i have no idea what my friend just said:

My brain:
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it

Me: That’s crazy

@trevso_electric

On a scale of 1 to girl who just got back from a semester abroad in Europe, how annoying are you?

@kristabellerina

Me, making resolutions in January: This is the year I work on myself for a change.

And then 2020 laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.

@NotMarkAllen

I feel like a taco salad is the worst way to eat a taco, and yet, the best way to eat a salad.

@SeiYoung83

*runs out of toilet paper*

“Good bye, infinity scarf”