[two atoms side-to-side on a DNA chain]
“Hi. U look familiar. Were u on A3564? before it went supernova?”
“U still owe me $20.”
We just got a fax. At work. We didn’t know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.
You Might Also Like
Yes,I put my kid on a leash. I’m not scared of her being abducted. I just REALLY wanted a puppy instead.
Someone talked me into trying an egg nog flavored candy cane.
Don’t let this happen to you!
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“Hi. Long time listener, first time caller.”
“That’s really funny.”
“Thank you. Anyways, I’m being stabbed.”
Teenage daughter called me an old fart.
We both laughed and then I changed the password to our wifi.
[The Second Coming]
Jesus:”People of the Earth! I have returned with news of God’s love an-”
Voice from the crowd:”DO THE WINE TRICK”
I bought a pair of underwear today.
In the front it says ‘I would do anything for love’.
In the back, ‘But I won’t do that’.
I am having an out of money experience.
YO WHO CALLED THEM EXPIRATION DATES INSTEAD OF SPOILER ALERTS
I got a car wash 5 days ago and it hasn’t rained yet. Who broke the weather?