@: “we need to have a podcast together” is the millennial “dude, we should totally start a band”
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@NinjaSweatpants: Watching cooking shows makes you realize how much forehead sweat is possibly in your food
@Try2StopME: Doctors would be pretty cool superheroes except for the fact their weakness is apples.
@david8hughes: Wife: morning Me: good morning Wife: my parents are coming over for dinner tonight Me [pouring bleach in my coffee]: uh huh that's great