@AsgardianRose
@mrtruthandsoul How much of this “no more tears” shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?
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@mrtruthandsoul 
@Talk_To_The_Hat Kmart is closing 108 stores putting 16 cashiers out of work.
@motrboatr There’s no toilet paper in this stall so I guess I live here now.
@GingerHotDish Excuse me lady, either your baby is crying or your tea is ready…regardless, fix that shit.
@ChaseMit You’ll get this gun when you pry it out of my cold dead ow hey give that back
@AKcrazy18 Running away doesn’t help you with your problems. Unless you’re fat.
@AsgardianRose If you take your antidepressant prescription to the pharmacy in your wedding gown while sobbing incoherently, they will fill it instantly.
@themiltron [during sex]
elon: say the thing
grimes: ugh
elon: please?
grimes: *sigh* omg babe your submarine is waaaay too big for this tiny cave
@Storminika My mom keeps asking questions like ‘When you gonna be famous?’ I tell her, ‘As soon as they find the bodies.’
@AllyBallyBeal I tried dusting after five energy drinks now my house is on fire.