If we all just agree that we’re fine, we’ll never again have to ask each other how we are.
Welcome to woodworking club, please make a seat.
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Treat her like she’s the only girl on Earth. Nothing makes a woman happier than the thought of every other woman disappearing forever.
[ground control to major tom] so like, what time is it in space right now?
‘You’re beautiful and I love you,” I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied “I just want to be friends.”
damn girl are you calculus because I have no idea what youre talking about
Oompa Loompa: When you die do we get the factory?
Wonka: No, I’ll just invite 5 random kids and murder 4.
Oompa Loompa: We need a union…
Just found a pill in the bottom of my purse. Have no clue what it is, but I’m real excited to take it and see what happens.
A cheetah stalking its prey would be jealous of the way I pounce on the Skip Ad button on YT once the 5 seconds are up.
A Roomba, but to shave my legs.
[the invention of ping pong]
“I don’t want this tiny ball.”
“Well, neither do I.”
“That makes me very angry.”