“Sir, do you have any dietary restrictions?”
Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears.
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ME: I can’t run either.
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“Penguins mate for life. Isn’t that romantic?”
You open your mouth to answer but I spit my chewed up cake into it.
“You’re my penguin.”
Tim Cook has announced that he’s gay. Samsung just filed a lawsuit claiming they came out of the closet 3 years ago. #Apple