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@sammyrhodes: “We’re going to need a bigger pocket.” - iPhone 6 Plus
@VerifiedDrunk: Facebook: People trying to save the world one uneducated post at a time
@thisislizz: Things would be so much simpler if everything was as easy as your mom.
@sarcasticmommy4: I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids.
@seamusmckracken: Ever feel like you have one foot in a canoe and the other on a banana peel?