Whack a mole is not a conventional dermatological treatment method.
You Might Also Like
[2.13am]
me: when cows die do they become cow ghosts? imagine being haunted by a cow ghost.
him: *deletes my number*
surely got to be a better way to end each section of this Mental Health training course
Because I’m on diet, I only ate half of a donut and saved the other half for 2 minutes later.
Welcome to middle age, where feeling a vibe is probably just a side effect of your pain meds.
Eat local. Your neighbor’s food.
Yesterday someone on here said I was more attractive than an actual Prince, and that was a really weird way to discover that my mom had a Twitter account.
That’s the last time I follow some dude into the woods just because he tells me he’s a wizard.
Ted Talks how about Ted shut up for once
Trying to remember if I ever promised anyone I’d do something “the next time there’s a total solar eclipse” just to get them off my back
Me: I’m sad my favorite beef jerky has been making my stomach hurt.
Husband: Maybe you shouldn’t eat the whole bag.
Me: No one asked you.
In a world full of Christmas fruitcakes, be a cheese ball
me: dinosaurs can’t jump
her: how do u know
me: they’re dead Linda
Maybe your dog was descended from wolves; mine wants a mint on his pillow and concierge service.
This year my wife and I decided to make each other handmade gifts for Christmas. She knitted me a hat and I made her a grilled cheese sandwich.
the only thing i know about cooking is you gotta terrorize the meat
I may regret eating so many deviled eggs this weekend, but my family will regret it more.
As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can’t always trust Google Maps.
Each week our panel of 3 celebrity chefs compete to create the ultimate final meal for a death row inmate on LAST SUPPER, this fall on FOX
don’t let me drive if ur gonna scream every time we almost die 🙄
My boss said he wanted the fire drill to be as realistic as possible, but then he yelled at me for looting. Make up your mind, bro.
I’m just saying, who could afford murder hornets in THIS economy? 2020 had a backer, and I’d like to see some receipts, CHARMIN.
Me: Sometimes I feel like instead of actively listening, you’re just waiting for your turn to talk
Poltergeist: throws dishes
Well it happened. My girlfriend walked in and caught me watching Spongebob
The guy in the car behind me is really taking a no man left behind approach to picking his nose
A kid at the park is wearing a Joker shirt, I am going to slowly take my coat off revealing my Batman T and shit is about to get real.
Meet me in the bedroom.. bring the gravy boat.
Don’t make this weird…
Before cellphones, my mom would open the window and scream my name until I came back home.
Burglar: [smashes window]
Burglar: [comes into house]
Burglar: [steals electronics]
Burglar: [steals furniture]
Burglar: [steals jewelry]
Burglar: [ransacks bedrooms]
Burglar: [opens package of cheese]My dog [appearing from nowhere]: hey, what you got there?
2 years ago, I called up a friend and left a message, she called me back today. I’m not kidding.
can’t believe they changed the Hollywood sign again