I wouldn’t say my husband and I are competitive but we do play a very cutthroat version of name that tune anytime a song comes on.
What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving?
1. Minimum wage
2. Police reform
3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise
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If Ross Geller and George Costanza were in the same room with Sheldon Cooper, Michael Scott, and Kimmy Gibbler, they still wouldn’t be as annoying as you.
The best part of an argument is the make up sex…unless you’re fighting with your brother.
I been working on my summer bod: it the same as my regular body, but this time more popsackles in it.
I’m not superstitious, I’m just a bit stitious.
Disney are remaking Home Alone. This is a petition for them to re-cast 38 year old Macauley Culkin as 9 year old Kevin McCallister and have nobody in the film acknowledge it.
All I want for Christmas is a survivalist training course so I can finally move to the woods, go off the grid, and not participate in society anymore until the government hunts me down and begs me to help them with a matter of national security, which I refuse.
Nothing says “I’m a shitty parent but at least I’m rich” like giving your 2 year old an iPad.
Me: I really like what you tried to do with what’s left of your hair.