What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two….
I’m still laughing .
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Day 3 of my thirty minute DIY project
What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
Pop!
GOD: I’ve created donuts
ANGEL: ooh they’re yummy but why the hole?
GOD:
ANGEL:
GOD:
ANGEL: because they are holy
GOD: because they are holy
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I’m just saying if she’s into metric then I’d love to meter
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“LOL sir, that was a barber.”
“He was black.”
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“most famous reindeer of all” isn’t all that impressive tbh. compared to whom, exactly
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“i have good news & bad news”
wife: bad news 1st
“the washing machine broke”
wife: and the good news?
“the dogs are clean AF”
8: [gives dog good morning kisses]
wife: the dog gets good morning but not me? I gave you life!
8: the dog’s cute
me: everybody run
I wish I could get the hell out of here and move to New Zealand. A Hobbit hole in Bag End would be nice right about now.
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Calm down people who start work immediately when they get into work. Just calm down.
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british computer: alroyt mate do u want biscuits on yer laptop innit bruv
Me: I find I do better in life if I just block unpleasant things out.
Him: I don’t know how to do that.
Me puzzled: when did you get here?
wife: “remember when i said you were too friendly all the time?”
me: [making cup of tea] “no im not”
burglar: “two sugars please”
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