@badbanana: What does stormtrooper armor protect against, exactly? Knives?
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@jimmytorosian: Simon: I wrote a song Garfunkel: *reads lyrics* Garfunkel: "I am a rock. I am an island" dude I'm like right here. I thought we were friends
@Skoogeth: [at a dive bar] Friend: Look, I know you're disappointed, but we should at least have one drink. Me: *wearing flippers, a wetsuit and a snorkle* I'd like to leave, please.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Feel free to name your next kid after me. Coworker: Why would I name my kid “Giant Douchebag?”