@TheIronSherk: What idiot called her a Hot Indian Girl and not a Bomb Bae
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@PiperSmith8: i hate when i’m 20 minutes into my run on the treadmill and i look down and the timer says 43 seconds
@squirrel74wkgn: [cat mom giving birth] Cat dad: Aw, a healthy kit- WHAT THE, twins! OMG triplets...holy shit, 4? (sweating)...5? WTF IS HAP- 6 *faints*
@driverminnie: Best convo of the last 5 yrs:I explained to my son that his friend's Mum had become a man: "You can do that?""Yes""Then I wanna be a dragon"