@PULPKetchup

What idiot called it kitchen worktop manufacture and not counter productive.

What idiot called it kitchen worktop manufacture and not counter productive.

- @PULPKetchup

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@Playing_Dad

Got fired from my 4th fast food job in a row for asking “do you want a shake with that?” at the drive thru window and then twerking for 5 minutes no matter what they answered

@BrandonVine

Felt like my car was going to blow over from this wind today. I feel bad for the smart cars that are probably stuck in trees.

@OllyiConic

doctor: your system is full of drugs

patient: you should see the other guy

doctor: what other guy

patient: you can’t see him

@hansabumsadaisy

#rubbishjokes
A German arriving at Orly airport in Paris.

Customs officer: Occupation?

German: Nein, just visiting.

@lovejulieacafe

*Speed Dating*

Him: Do you have any hobbies?

Me: *tying my hair in a big knot under my chin so I look like I have a beard*
“TAAA-DAAA!”

@HepatitisAtoZ

cashier: “would you like to donate to fight hunger?”
me: “oh, hunger wants to rumble?”
*dip knuckles in syrup & then in Cheerios
“im ready”

@momthoughts13

So when married people take you on a tour of their house and show you the bedroom and say with a chuckle ‘this is where the magic happens’ they’re not talking about sex they’re talking about sleep

@Abusitron

Waitress: “Enjoy your meal”
Patron: “you too”

Patron: ‘why did I say that?’
Waitress: [being force-fed the 6th plate of food of her shift]