What idiot called it the road to Bethlehem instead of the highway to the manger zone?
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*laughs all the way to the bank*
*cries all the way back*
I am delighted to announce that endless online arguing is saving humanity
My 4 year told me my tummy looks soft and squishy today, so I put her barbies on the highest shelf on the house.
I’m not rich in money, but I’m rich in friends and family.
You know, the bad kind of rich.
I’m gonna start using my cat’s ages like y’all do your kids.
5 just projectile vomited and 1 is trying to eat it off the floor.
me: i’m going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles
me: probably tomorrow
*puts sunglasses on a watermelon*
“WHERE ARE ALL THE DRUGS!”
*slams hands down*
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DID THEM ALL?!”
Talking to funeral home director:
Me: “I would like to have my mother-in-law cremated”
MIL: “Let go of me!”
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move