@markleggett: What if birds have tiny human-like ears underneath their feathers? That's certainly something to think about, but not during sex.
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@GrantTanaka: me: [getting stabbed] dog: [sleeping] me: [on fire] dog: [sleeping] me: [screaming for help] dog: [sleeping] me: [taking a dump while eating string cheese] dog: [head between my legs] so whatcha doing
@PaperWash: Angel: What up? God: Creating 3 y/o's Angel: Is it broken?It keeps repeating itself & has no volume control God: ya it's gunna be hilarious
@Dawn_M_: If you carry a knife in your mouth, people wont ask you what your Valentines Day plans are.
@stockejock: You'll sleep when you're dead?...that's adorable. Well, I'll lose weight when I'm dead, so pass the doughnuts.