publisher: “harry & ron” i love that lol boring names in a magical world
jk rowling: hermione
jk rowling: albus dumbledore
publisher: ok i get it i was wrong
jk rowling: cornelius fudge lmao
What if I color on you? What if I run a truck along your back? Steal your toy? Throw a ball? Spit food at you?
– My toddler, wooing the dog
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“We are out of oranges” he said, fruitlessly.
I wonder who ate the first egg. Like who said, “I’m a eat the white ball that chicken just shit out.”
*pulls the pin on a can of Axe body spray*
*lobs it into your open car window as you drive by*
I’m gonna start carrying breath mints around in an engagement ring box just to briefly make women really uncomfortable during conversation.
there are no buff wizards in Harry Potter, no gym in Hogwarts, no-one does a push-up at any point. I could crack Ron Weasley’s spine like a glowstick
GIRL: Spirit, should I have sex with this guy?
ME: *tries to push the ouija pointer to yes but it won’t move* (under breath) grandma, PLEASE
A heart-shaped pizza just means less pizza and that’s not a sacrifice I’m willing to make for love.
Real should get that sign fixed.
Am I flattered when a man hits on me? Yes, but I also saw that same man whispering sweet nothings to a piece of pecan pie the other day, so not too flattered.