@mutablejoe: the idea that the "ideal beach body" just means being thin or buff is so unimaginative, surely the ideal beach body would have a powerful lobster claw, arm flaps to act as a windbreak and a sand repellent anus

@RobDenBleyker: Whoever got my Steam account for Christmas plz realize those Japanese dress up games are for research only, I don't enjoy them. Plz understa

@TravLeBlanc: If you say "no ifs, ands, or buts", then get ready for a shitload of "shoulds", "as well as", and "howevers".

@hipstermermaid: I just want a time machine so I can show up at the Salem witch trials with an iPad.

@Wussawilla: Remember when you first joined twitter and you had no idea how to RT or what favstar was and remembered what your family looked like?