@jake_likes_naps

“WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS GOING ON? IS THAT RAIN? OH GOD I WISH I HAD EYES” – Worms

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@jitka

My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can’t respond. That’s where House Horn comes in

@cortronic

It’s just sad how often I see zookeepers breaking their own “Don’t Feed the Animals” rule.

@realHamOnWry

Sometimes you’ll hate a person when you first meet because it saves time.

@daemonic3

PRIEST: Do you take Florence to be your wife?

THE MACHINE: I do

PRIEST: Does anyone have anything-

RAGE: [from the back] I’M AGAINST THIS

@TheOnion

NASA Social Media Manager Considers Himself Part Of Team

@slimmy_shady

If she licks all the frosting off her face with a single 360 degree sweep of the tongue, she might be Scooby Doo.