@jake_likes_naps: "WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS GOING ON? IS THAT RAIN? OH GOD I WISH I HAD EYES" - Worms
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@david8hughes: Mechanic: that's gonna cost $2000 Me: how much? Mechanic: $3000 Me: what did you say before that Mechanic: I said "that's gonna cost"
@TheToddWilliams: THEO VAN GOGH: I can’t believe you lost your other ear in a poker game VINCENT VAN GOGH: What?
@Social_Mime: My friend is a meteorologist so when he wants to hang out I tell him there's a 100% chance I'll be there and then I don't show up.