I laughed way too hard at this 😂
What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?
If you guessed “Heaven nun” or “Angel nun” you’re wrong.
The answer was “Nun of the Above”.
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Made the mistake of ordering chlorine for the pool and researching Kenya so I’m tweeting this from what appears to be a windowed black van.
5y/o just told me he’s not afraid of ghosts because “they’re not even alive”
Accountants have the toughest job in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.
Every guy dressed in red that asks you what you want while you sit on his lap, is not Santa.
Harry Potter fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts. Narnia fans: I wanna go to Narnia. Hunger Games fans: Nope I’m good..
Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map…
Putin is fixing the issue
by just calling it all “Russia”.
If I were a hairdresser, my business cards would say, “I’ll cut you.”
CPR dummy: I have a boyfriend.
*reading* 160 calories *thinking* Let me break it down to see how much I should eat. *reading and thinking* The can is 14.2 ounces, the serving size is 245 grams and the servings per container are about 3.
And we wonder why America is getting fat.