@atDevin

What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?

If you guessed “Heaven nun” or “Angel nun” you’re wrong.

The answer was “Nun of the Above”.

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@Robinbuble

Made the mistake of ordering chlorine for the pool and researching Kenya so I’m tweeting this from what appears to be a windowed black van.

@behindyourback

5y/o just told me he’s not afraid of ghosts because “they’re not even alive”

@omgthatspunny

Accountants have the toughest job in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

@Just__J0

Christmas Warning:

Every guy dressed in red that asks you what you want while you sit on his lap, is not Santa.

@Hilarious_Idiot

Harry Potter fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts. Narnia fans: I wanna go to Narnia. Hunger Games fans: Nope I’m good..

@GinGander

Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map…
Putin is fixing the issue
by just calling it all “Russia”.

@heatherjs

If I were a hairdresser, my business cards would say, “I’ll cut you.”

@3sunzzz

*reading* 160 calories *thinking* Let me break it down to see how much I should eat. *reading and thinking* The can is 14.2 ounces, the serving size is 245 grams and the servings per container are about 3.

And we wonder why America is getting fat.

MATH