Even Forrest Gump got laid.
This is bullshit.
What she said: wanna share some nachos?
What I heard: wanna race to see who can eat the most nachos?
You Might Also Like
Learn to negotiate like my 5-year old. Instead of asking, “Can we please get a kitty?” he asked, “Are we getting a kitty today or tomorrow?”
me: come back to my place?
me: it’s not haunted
me: no ghosts
Him: Do you like magic?
Her: I LOVE MAGIC
Him: klatu barada nikto!
[Woman’s dead grandpa emerges from the ground]
Him: Oh, so you meant you like illusions.
Acid rain is total bullshit. I stood in it for hours and didn’t even hallucinate one time.
I dropped my ice cream cone on the ground and it landed pointy end up which made the Earth, at least for a moment, one giant topping.
[1st day as a paramedic]
me: can you point to where it hurts
cyclist: [points at his severed leg at the other side of the road]
I’m against the marriage of anyone whose first instinct is to film and then show the world their elaborate proposal.