Overheard at the mall: “It’s 70% off plus another 30% off… that’s 100% off!”
-What should we name this creature w/ big feet?
-And this w/ saber teeth?
-And this beaverduck?
You Might Also Like
*I throw my hat into the ring*
Oh you wanna fight do ya?
*I throw my pants into the ring*
Pal this is gettin’ weird
*I throw my skin into th
All the people upset over same sex marriage didn’t seem to mind when Paula Abdul was openly dating a cartoon cat in the late 80s.
Boss: Who’s this? Your girlfriend?
Me: Oh she’s not my girlfriend. Not yet anyway *gives her an affectionate nudge* Actually it’s our first date
Her: I’m having the worst time
Them: “I hate to be a…”
Me: “Then don’t.”
My wife and I have an agreement with our 7 year old daughter
Don’t wake us up early on the weekend and we won’t abandon you in a mall
I hated muffins until I was 17 & saw someone remove the wrapper on the bottom of a muffin before eating one. Prior to this, I thought it was just part of the muffin eating experience & would angrily eat muffin wrappers because… I just thought that I had to.
If you post a selfie that says “because some of you asked for a new one” I want to see screenshots of where they said that.
me: are you checking me out
Jesus gets more middle names as the day goes on.