You Might Also Like


No thanks. If I wanted flaky I’d date a pie crust.


“Why am I so thirsty?”

*Flashback to me eating half a ham*

“Oh, right”


I’m texting hubs a grocery list one item at a time so he can experience his phone blowing up


Is your girlfriend wife material? I’m building a giant wife.


me: better check my phone for texts from friends
me: *checks phone*
me: better get some friends


I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?”


The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat


Kim Davis becoming a Republican, dealing a huge blow to the “intolerant homophobic religious fundamentalist” wing of the Democratic Party.