I’m just a speedboat and a machine gun away from becoming a pirate.
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Anyone can recommend a good Hobbit movie?
If you’re wondering how punctuation can be used to create suspense,
When I first went on the pill, I put on a bit of weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Biden: So here’s the plan, I’ll tackle him and you go in for the knockout
Obama: Joe please.
Biden: too far? Okay what about-
*stares at bottel of sleepin pills* when wil they wakE UP
My wife is constantly hiding things where they belong.
Pointed out my kids real dad to them at the car wash today. None of us are sure if I’m kidding.
My bad sir! I completely misunderstood the term “carjacking”.
Boss: ok just bear with me
*I growl and start clawing the air*
B: wtf are you doing
Me: I..You said..
B:first ‘snail mail’ now this..Just go